Battle Bloopers
by Lord Cynic
Summary: An attempt at a humourous ficlet series about anything and everything to do with battles, in and around. Deliberately short entries. Mild spoilers and swearing. Probably mild OOC. Entry 4: Little Pickpocket.
1. Para Blade

**Lord Cynic: **"Originally I was going to wait until I could submit two things at once. But I wanna experiment... heheh... Anyways, as you can tell this is really short. That's intentional, this will turn into a collection of ficlets involving anything and everything that can happen in and around battles. So... enjoy!"

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**Lord Cynic: **"I don't own Tales of Symphonia. As it is, I forgot when Colette was supposed to learn a certain move so my original timeline is stuffed up. Oh well..."

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**Entry: **Para Blade 

**Timeline: **Considering the techniques used, uh... probably after Ossa Trail (before or after Sheena shows up the first time). I play new games with all skills intact, and 10x EXP so I have no idea how long it takes to learn skills the standard way nowadays.

**Characters: **Collette, Lloyd, Genis, Raine, Kratos

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"Para Ball!" Colette yelled, electrifying a thief. The man yelled in pain before falling over. Her recently developed wings fluttered on her back as she hovered around giddily. "Para Ball!" An unfortunate fish, which had just jumped out of the sea, was hit and fell victim to her attack. 

"Be careful, Colette!" Lloyd called from her left. "You might get us with those!" He narrowly avoided getting speared with an arrow.

"Oh, don't worry Lloyd!" Colette said gaily, still on her mysterious high. "I have complete control!"

Lloyd and Genis sweatdropped lightly, clearly dubious of the truthfulness of Colette's statement. Raine coughed lightly from outside the perimeter of the battlefield. Kratos merely grunted and stabbed an axe beak with a well timed Sonic Thrust

"Para Ball!" Colette sang merrily, oblivious to her friends' discomfort. The electrical orbs bounced along the ground towards some pitiful opponent (probably a Witch in the middle of casting a spell) and she giggled excitedly. Her giggling increased when the witch was fried and fell to the ground.

Even Kratos face faulted into the ground. Another axe beak took advantage of his position and drove its beak into the seat of the mercenary's pants. It was swiftly and brutally slaughtered by the irate frog-faced man after he had a brief stint of hopping on the spot, howling in pain.

Lloyd and Genis snapped out of their stunned stupors to laugh at Kratos' misfortune. They were hit with an arrow by an Archer and zapped by a sea jelly respectively. Raine could only shake her head in exasperation as the boys hopped around clutching their backsides. Colette continued to prance around obliviously.

"Keep your guard up," Kratos ordered, his own humiliation forgotten (for which he was secretly grateful).

"Yeah, yeah," Lloyd grumbled, meeting his aggressor head on. The bow-wielding man sneered and pulled back the string on his arrow, only to meet a face full of Demon Fang. "That's for earlier!"

"Lloyd, look out!" Colette called out suddenly.

"Huh?" Lloyd dumbly turned around and came face-to-face with the thief that Colette _must've_ beaten before. What, did one of the witches have a resurrection spell or something? "What the hell? Genis! A little help?"

"I've got my own problems!" Genis yelled as he repelled a Mandragora with his kendama. He quickly received help from Kratos who struck the creature with a Demon Fang of his own. "Phew, thanks!"

"Watch yourself." The adult brunette quickly cast a healing spell, energising the half-elven boy. "Lloyd, guard your back!"

"Crap!" Lloyd swore as he jumped out of the way of the thief's thrust. "Damn guy keeps coming at me!" The thief only chuckled as he continued his offensive.

"I'm coming, Lloyd!" Colette rushed to help the stricken chocolate brown-haired boy. "Para Ba – ahh!"

Genis, Raine and Kratos watched in frozen horror as the spheres left the blonde girl's hands with her trademark clumsiness. They tumbled along the ground towards the unknowing Lloyd and his assailant. However, the balls were heading towards the wrong target. There, when they made contact with the poor sod who was attempting a Tiger Blade…

"Ti – gaaaaaaaah!"

Lloyd's blades conducted the electricity, sending shockwaves through his body. Coincidentally, his swords had struck the thief's knife at that exact moment and the electricity surged through the enemy as well. When the dust settled, Lloyd was lying on the ground, twitching constantly, and the thief was… well, dead.

"What was that?" Genis gasped after a very pregnant pause.

Colette wasted no time in declaring the technique a "Para Blade!" before running off, humming happily. It was left to Kratos to carry Lloyd's paralysed body into Izoold, after the half-elven brother and sister followed the blonde Chosen to keep her out of more trouble.

_**Entry 1: Complete**_


	2. Human Holy Potion

**Entry: **Human Holy Potion

**Characters: **Lloyd; Colette; Genis; Raine; Kratos.

**Timeline: **This is a very vague entry, so I placed this somewhere after Hakonesia Peak and before… say… Luin. If you watch the skits, you might know where I got the inspiration from: "Kratos… angry?"

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"Is it just me or have there been less monsters around lately?" Lloyd asked out of the blue.

"Hey, you're right," Genis agreed after a quick scan of their surroundings. There were no creatures in sight, just as Lloyd has said. "I never noticed."

"Heh…"

The smug tone in the human boy's voice wasn't lost on the half-elven counterpart. Genis frowned and said, "Hey, I wasn't the one who fell over because he thought a cloud was a hamburger."

Lloyd scowled as Colette giggled, Raine smiled and Kratos smirked. "Shut up, Genis."

Suddenly, a group of monsters approached from the west. Raine was the first to spot them and point them out. "Enemies coming from our left!" A mysterious force removed her from the battlefield, indicating that the player couldn't be stuffed replacing someone else to include her.

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Somewhere else, a weird voice yelled "Around the survivors, a perimeter create!" If anyone heard it, they didn't know who said it. They were boggled out of their minds by the syntax of the statement for anything else to matter.

* * *

Back in Sylvarant, Lloyd, Genis, Colette and Kratos were gearing up for combat. The swordsmen had their blades out; the Chosen was clutching her chakrams; and Genis was a safe distance from the melee fighters with his kendama to offer magical support. They waited for their opposition to reach them.

"Give them no quarter," Kratos told the battle group.

Lloyd groaned. "I know already, sheesh. No need to tell us every time, old man."

Kratos sent a scathing glare at the younger swordsman. As soon as he did that, the monsters, which were only a few metres away at that point, retreated with panicked shrieks. Everyone stared, bewildered by the new development.

"What was that?" Lloyd asked, putting away his blades.

"Mr. Kratos had his scary face out," Colette said. "He scared the monsters away."

"It seems our mystery has been solved," Raine observed, now back in the group. "Kratos' glare has the effect of a Holy Potion."

"Somehow, I'm not surprised," Lloyd muttered. "I have the urge to run away too."

Genis and Colette laughed when Lloyd did run away – from a fuming Kratos trying to hit him with a Thunder Blade.

_**Entry 2: Complete!**_


	3. Noishe on the run

**Name: **Noishe on the run

**Name inspiration: **The song "Fox on the run" by Sweet (duh)

**Characters: **Lloyd; Noishe; Colette; Genis; Raine; Kratos

**Timeline: **I'll just say the same as _Human Holy Potion_.

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Lloyd, Colette, Genis, Raine and Kratos wandered across an empty field, Noishe trailing behind them. Lloyd and Genis were bickering about something trivial (probably how the younger boy sounded like a girl). Colette walked behind them, silently giggling at their childish antics. In front, Raine was explaining the origins of some dried up piece of fruit to Kratos. He seemed to be listening, since he was nodding his head at certain intervals. If someone paid close attention, however, they would've heard faint snoring coming out of the ever-so-slightly open-mouth mercenary.

Suddenly, Noishe gave a whimper. Lloyd ceased the pointless argument with Genis long enough to notice the dog-like creature's distress. He fell to the back of the group and patted Noishe's head comfortingly.

"What's wrong, buddy?" When Noishe sniffed the air and howled Lloyd told the group, "I think he smells monsters nearby."

Sure enough, a band of monsters could be seen in the distance. Everybody glanced at the approaching mob, giving Noishe the split second he needed to disappear. Lloyd groaned.

"Come back here!" he yelled before taking off in pursuit of his pet. The moment he left the group a battle perimeter surrounded Colette, Genis, Raine and Kratos. Colette fretted while Genis moaned.

"Thanks a lot, Lloyd," Genis muttered. "He knows Noishe is scared of monsters."

"There's no time for that now," Raine said, brandishing her staff. "They're coming!"

The party went into battle and separated into two groups: Colette and Genis fought a marcroid, Colette using chakram-based skills and Genis providing magical support; Kratos and Raine fending off a grasshopper with sword skills and holy magic respectively. The double team tactic worked perfectly as the party quickly dispatched their opponents – only for more enemies to enter the fray.

Kratos scowled.

"They're coming in from all sides," he said with noticeable annoyance.

"They're too strong!" Colette yelled urgently before being struck by a giant beetle. "Ahh!" She fell onto her knees in pain and whimpered as monsters started to surround her. "Lloyd, where are you…"

"Colette!"

"Colette!"

"A-rooooooooo!"

Everyone and everything froze as another howl punctured the stunned silence. Noishe, with a hooting Lloyd as his rider, came rampaging into the battlefield. The dog-like creature trampled everything in his path, effectively finishing the fight.

"I finally managed to bring Noishe back!" Lloyd said cheerfully as he jumped off his pet's back. "Am I good or what?"

Nobody answered – they were too busy twitching on the ground in pain.

_**Entry 3: Complete!**_


	4. Little Pickpocket

**Lord Cynic: **"This'll be the last entry for a little while. Our real life counterpart just watched the first episode of the Tales of Symphonia OVA -"

**Mashu: **"And I'm in a fluffy Colloyd mood!"

**Lord Cynic: **"'nuff said…" (_mutters_) "Not mentioning I've nearly run out of drafts to post in quick succession…"

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**Name: **Little Pickpocket

**Characters: **Colette; Lloyd; Genis; Raine; Kratos

**Timeline: **Ossa Trail.

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A magical light surrounded Colette and the words "LEVEL UP" flashed above her head. She suddenly felt a little stronger.

"Good job, Colette," Lloyd said as the mountain path materialised around the group.

"T-Thanks, Lloyd," Colette stuttered, blushing at the praise. Genis snorted, Raine smiled and Kratos grunted. Another mysterious light fell around the Chosen and she gasped. The group looked at her with concern but she just beamed. "I think I've just learned a new skill," she explained. She closed her eyes, trying to remember what technique she had just acquired. After a moment her mind clicked and her blue eyes opened again with glee. "Item Thief!"

"Huh?" Lloyd was baffled.

"Cool!" Genis was excited.

"Hmmph." Kratos was disinterested.

"How interesting!" Raine was intrigued.

"Heehee." Colette was so giddy she deliberately ran into a grey monster avatar… thingy… and initiated a battle.

Lloyd and Genis groaned and Kratos found himself expelled from the combat zone. It was probably just as well since Raine was still desperate about studying Colette's new skill. Colette herself was still itching to find out what she could do.

"Here I g- oof!"

She tripped – on nothing – and fell onto a feral wolf in mid-lunge (which really shouldn't have been there in the first place). Despite definitely being lighter than the wild creature, it collapsed under her weight. Maybe it was cut by the chakrams she was holding but that would be considered a moot point by now. In any case the opponent was defeated and Colette was the winner – with spoils.

"Oooh!" she cried ecstatically. "Beast hide!" She hugged the fragment of fur close to her, blissfully unaware of the bear… er, bearing down on her. It roared to get her attention – "AHH!" – and continued to lumber towards her.

"Colette!" Lloyd finished off a hawk with a Tempest and rushed to the Chosen's aide. "Get away from her! " He slashed the bear with a Demon Fang, immobilising the beast and allowing Genis to finish it off with Flame Lance. "Thanks, Genis."

"Is Colette all right?" the mage asked as the battlefield cleared and Ossa Trail reappeared.

"She's just startled," Raine diagnosed. Colette clung to Lloyd who had embraced her reassuringly, provoking a small smile from the Professor. "But I think she'll be just fine."

"It's okay," Lloyd whispered to the quivering blonde girl. "I'm right here if you need me."

"Oh Lloyd!" Colette, for lack of a better word, glomped the brown-haired boy. There was a general laugh among the group and the teenagers flushed as they separated and brushed themselves off. Soon, everyone was travelling again along the mountain path. Until…

"Hey, where's my Poison Charm?"

_**Entry 4: Complete!**_


End file.
